I'm a man that's been fighting his own feelings and thoughts for years not knowing what they were or what I could do about them.
What the hell is this?
It's been a good 4/5 years I'd say since I started to feel different. Not knowing what these feelings were so I thought they would pass. Unfortunately, they didn't if anything they got worse. Starting with lack of energy and change in mood slowly progressed into not wanting to do anything .I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, ( still terrible at that now by the way) I was comparing myself to others ,feeling as if I was a failure and felt like I had no purpose while covering up all these feelings and hoping no one would notice. Man up, snap out of it and get over yourself was things I was telling myself on a daily basis. I didn't have an answer all I knew was it wasn’t going away.
I'm the boss
Things was getting worse, that was until I made myself accountable for the way I was feeling. This was a massive turning point for me. I took control on my thoughts and feelings though a number of different ways. Though regular exercise, diet, daily diaries, journaling and educating myself as much as possible through reading and listen to audio books my mindset started to change, I started to take back control.
“Telling my wife everything helped massively and I also went and spoke to my GP and told him how I was feeling for a professional opinion.”
By keeping a daily diary i was able to log my mood though a very simple mood chart I created. I would log my mood from 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest 10 the highest on the hour every hour and write a note beside it explaining what feeling I was experiencing. Every few days I would look back though the log to find any mood patterns. This method works for all types of situations, feelings or moods, simply log your mood, describe how you feel, find the pattern then create the solution. The ability to look at a daily diary has made a huge impact to my mood as I’m able to look over it regularly to identify problems and put them right.
This was something I have never done before so was a new experience for me. I have now
created my own journal where I ask myself these three things every day.
What three things am I grateful for?
What can I improve?
What have I done well?
I then have a daily reflection page what I call "Cleaning the cupboard " where I write down feelings, thoughts or any other thing that's bothering me. There's something very committing to writing things down it feels real to me and it works as a positive release.
I'm fully aware that this is a long process and like anything will take time, patience and consistency.
If I can make progress so can you. I know it's a daunting thing for people to talk about but there are people you can speak to, your not alone. Please talk to a friend or family member and tell them how you feel.
YOUR NOT ALONE.
Here's are some other options for you:
Samaritans 116 123
Mind 0300 123 3393
Re-think mental illness 0300 5000 927
Calm 0800 068 4141
YoungMinds 0808 8025544